***QUESTION***

Your article is very good. It raises a question in me though: You spoke of setting a man free. It is nesessary for free flowing of love. Where do sexual relationships come in? What if you live for today, a man is facinated with you, he sleeps with you and becomes distant…you dont want to posses him or ask to commit but you also don’t want to be used for sex, you want a relationship, how to make a man understand that you are not possesing him but you are interested in a relationship, but the man sees it as commitment request. Its not. Perhaps you could write about this subject. Its on my mind alot. Thank you

COMMENTS:

Many women have an agonizing fear about being used for sex by a man in the hopes that eventually he will like her more and commit… but many women do this in the worst way possible.

The man ends up pulling away from her and becomes more and more distant, emotionally “untouchable” and then that fear that he’s never going to commit creeps up in full force… and that’s when there’s a great possibility of her going into emotional overdrive and freaking the hell out.

She’ll have sex with a man and immediately afterwards she can already feel him pulling away and becoming distant.

Why does this happen?

It’s almost as if he’s afraid.

There are a MANY reasons, but one is that he fears a woman becoming needy with him and trying to “nest” him.

It’s an irrational fear of his and it’s merely based on his previous encounters and what he’s seen happen with his friends or on TV.

Yes, a big fear among men is that a woman will become needy and clingy with a man… and the fact remains that in many cases, she does become needy, whether a woman wants to believe it or not.

It’s really hard on the ego to admit when you find yourself doing it.

We hear everywhere that we’re not “supposed to be needy”, it looks bad for our reputation, our status etc.

She fears being used sexually from the very start, even before any love making happens.

She suspects every man to be the same “I like him, but I know and I’m afraid I’m getting myself into a trap because he’s going to throw me away once he’s had his fun just like the other guys. So, I’m going to play hard to get so that he feels like he has earned me and will respect me.”

One of the underlying problems of your situations is that you are very subtly using sex to get a man to like you.

While he’s taking advantage of you, you are playing into it.

Many times, a woman’s intentions of having sex with a man for the first time are just to get him to like her more.

But men have an entirely different perspective.

Men enjoy the sex… sometimes A LOT.

Sometimes men enjoy sex so much it’s all they can think about.

And usually a man has the ability to be a lot more detached emotionally about sex than a woman.

A woman can much more easily associate “relationship feelings” with sex with a guy she likes than a man.

Sex is the most basic, primal form of love.

And the reason why I say to “allow him to be free” is because this is what he is gets him attracts his interest in a woman the most.

Many men are retarded and fear that once a guy has sex with a girl, she is going to cling to him.

Even if he is right, he’s just making a rapid and very quick judgment on his own past experience excluding you.

So if he’s making a judgment on you before anything even happens, you have to change something, and the change comes in the form of freedom.

The simplest way to combat this is to allow him to be free even after an intimate experience like sex.

Don’t freak out yet.

There’s a lot of psychology involved what I’m talking about, which I’ll explain.

And don’t just pretend to do this. You have to actually do it.

You just have to make the choice to make freedom a priority and demonstrate matter-of-factly that he isn’t required or obliged to you.

This allows HIM to WANT you.

Many times, we try to FORCE someone to like us instead of just allowing them to like us.

That’s what I talk about in my free report “Relationship Rehab” (you gotta take a ready through it if you haven’t yet - just type in your name and email in the upper left corner).

There’s a lot of basic knowledge in that report that can solve a bunch of  the problems that I’m talking about here.

Then, an interesting transformation happens in his psychology.

He begins thinking almost under his awareness “Woah, I’m not used to this. She isn’t quite like all of the other girls.  There’s something DIFFERENT about her…”

Now you’re engaging his deeper interests, and you are keeping things light, interesting and best of all fun.

It’s so important to keep thing LIGHT and fun in a relationship.

Even if the guy has no experience with sex whatsoever, let’s say he’s a virgin or something, he’ll still have a “whoa” reaction.

But for god sakes please don’t fake this.

Tons of women DO fake this “aloofness” to try to arouse his desire for her by becoming detached on purpose, playing games to get him thinking about her, to create an obsession around her.

But I’m NOT telling you to be aloof because it never works out.

It always creates subtle splits in the trust that you wouldn’t even think are going on.

Trust is just like a card castle.

It takes time, relaxation and extreme gentleness to build, but touch one card and the thing collapses exploding cards all over the place.

Would you really want to play games like fake aloofness with a man you want to become intimate with?

It doesn’t make any sense to do that.

You risk dooming everything from the very start.

Freedom is what I’m talking about, and freedom has a certain, almost magical energy all of its own.

It can be felt without words, without even talking about it.

You can talk with him, cuddle with him, have sex with all while keeping freedom in the picture and it changes the entire quality of the relationship with him, whether committed or not.

Instead of freaking out about getting him to commit to you, you are able to have fun and be light.

And without you even noticing your chances of getting him to want to commit are going through the roof.

It’s just like when I’m interested in a woman.

If I want to call her, I call her anytime. I don’t have a “3 day rule” or other ridiculous games and what have you all to appear not needy.

No.

I can call anytime because I’m actually not needy. If I want a relationship with her, that’s what I say. If she says no, it’s OK, because I’m NOT POSSESSING her.

I have no attachment to the outcome and I’m just enjoying my time with her right now.

And guess what? She feels my freedom I’m giving her even if all of my behaviors match up with a “needy person”.

It’s because freedom is my ally and love is my weapon. :P  How cheesy.

Then, of course she’ll want to do what I ask. She trusts my energy is safe, and it’s a very similar thing with men.

Just drop the fear that he will pull away.  It is useless and it won’t help.

There is nothing to be afraid of when you know what you’re doing.

Things don’t have to be heavy and serious all the time. Why do things have to be so serious? Why worry so much?

We live in a heavy hearted world.

That’s why it’s so important to go inside and begin to heal some of that scar tissue on the heart. Become light hearted!

The woman who make it a point to relax and take time out of their day to meditate, do yoga, get a massage, treat themselves to a nice bottle of wine for no reason at all… that is the women who usually doesn’t fail with a man.

With honor and love,

Brandon